Why Can’t I Be Happy?

.Reading time 14 minutes.

We all want it, right? But sometimes, it’s just so bloodie hard to be happy.

When you have a mental illness, so much of your time is devoted to this idea of finding happiness again. Because to be quite frank, when you’re mentally ill, life isn’t exactly like a bed of roses. I know I’ve struggled a lot when it comes to this concept of happiness and what defines that exuberant, joyful emotion that crackles across your skin like a heatwave.

You know the feeling when everything clicks into place? Whether it’s waking up to your favourite weather, that song you’ve been enjoying on the radio, a full English and a cuppa waiting in the kitchen downstairs (or if you’re a lazy git like me, when it’s brought up to bed for you!), seeing your friends, watching that film in the cinema for the third time because it’s just SO GOOD; we all want to experience this feeling as often as possible. And in my quest for happiness, I’ve tried and tested a multitude of tools along the way. Read More

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My Taboo, My Salvation, My Freedom.

.Reading time 15 minutes.

I set a reminder on my phone at 11 o’clock on Friday the 17th of March to write a blog post the following morning as I was probably knackered (even though I imagine I went on to play PS4 all night). Well here we are, 39 days later and I’m finally getting round to writing it. After ignoring numerous buzz notifications from my ‘Reminders’ app nudging me every day to write the damn thing, it’s happening. I’ve been putting it off because I’m nervous about the subject matter. Actually, tell a lie, I’m nervous about the reaction to the subject matter. Anyway, let’s get on with it, shall we? Read More

2018 Goals, Marathon Running & OCD (because, y’know, it gets everywhere)

.Reading time 9 minutes.

It feels peculiar to me to be setting goals for next year when not so long ago, getting out of bed was hard enough. Every Tom, Dick and Harry will tell you that when you’re recovering from mental illness, being realistic and setting yourself daily goals is the best practice, so here I am, casually going about organising my goals for 2018. Read More

Sweet Swell

.Reading time 1 minute.

Drifting, drifting,

And yet lilting and wilting and coasting, too. Pushed and pulled by this monstrous swell, and dragged back under the blue. 

I’m never sure I can feel it approach, like a lioness masked downwind, prowling in the Serengeti plains.

And yet I feel it’s claws sink in, the teeth pierce the prickled hairs standing to attention, the pain lasting for days. 

What wicked creator would trouble me so, be it magical or scientific or will we ever know? To burden and begrudge me respite and peace?

Sleep saw it coming and ran for the hills! A pillar of strength you were, my slumbering chum, you’ve been AWOL for weeks!

A miserable comfort settles gently on my chest, weighing but a feather’s whisper at first. But it outstays the welcome I gestured (of course),

And I can’t get rid so easily for it now weighs as much as the Titanic that sunk & I’m sinking as well and I’m shit out of luck

And the ache is a swell all of its own that moans and groans and wants me to know that it’s there,
“Hey!

Hello!

I’m not letting go!” it cries.

Pitiless and eager and willing to show, meandering & mooning its face in the damp evening glow. 

Swell, sweep me under and keep me there please. I know I can’t breathe but at least I’m at peace.

Cancer

.Reading time 5 minutes.

I don’t think there is a word that inspires more fear, worry and despair in people when they hear it. Whether you’ve experienced it personally or know someone that’s gone through it, it’s probably had an impact on you. 1 in 3 people will get cancer in their lifetime and we hear about it nearly every day; it’s on the telly, the radio, in things we read and in conversations in the street. Read More

The Problem With Schools

.Reading time 2 minutes.

Today, the Supreme Court of the United Kingdom has ruled that a father should pay a fine for taking his child on holiday during school term time. The BBC covered the story which you can read here – http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-39504338 – which goes into detail about the case. It got me thinking about schools and how they work in general.

The main thing I disagree with in this article is where it suggests that if you get poor GCSE’s it will have a lasting effect on your life chances.
Your GCSE’s and A-Levels are not the be all and end all of your life! They’re archaic and, with particular focus on GCSE’s, they’re more like a memory test than actually a measure of your capabilities as a human being. The whole school system needs a massive overhaul to move away from trying to hit targets and be the top of leader tables and do what schools are there to do in the first place; prepare young adults for the real world. 
I can’t recall the last time I used something I learned in school in my life recently (with the exception of maths and English) and to allude to a quote by Einstein (I believe it was him) “If you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, then it would look pretty stupid”.
Not everyone learns at the same pace or is interested in the same things and everyone learns differently as well! Using the same examination and grading process for everyone doesn’t work and more needs to be done to highlight this.

Find Hope. Nurture Hope. Hold On To Hope.

.Reading time 9 minutes.

It’s the end of OCD Action’s Week of Action and I really wanted this post to be positive, happy, encouraging and inspirational. I know how hard it can be when you’re dealing with OCD and just how much it can take it out of you. My aim with this post was to provide an escape, a release from your worries and fears. Alas, I feel like I would be a liar and a fraud if I went against everything I stand for and wrote something that wasn’t a true reflection of how I’m feeling. I hark on about honesty all of the god damn time, and if I can’t be honest with myself, if I can’t be honest with you guys, then there’s no point in me doing any of this.

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OCD Week of Action – 20th – 26th of Feb – 2017

.Reading time 3 minutes.

Every year, OCD Action sets aside a week to intensively tackle the stigma that surrounds OCD, focusing on taking action in any way possible. This includes, but is not limited to; fundraising individually or as a group by completing a physical activity or hosting an event or, on a smaller but no less important scale, having a difficult conversation with a family member or friend about OCD and breaking the ice. OCD Action doesn’t just work for everyone impacted by OCD in this week alone, but it is a great opportunity for the attention to be on this mental illness and get people working together.

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Cake, Pizza & Fighting OCD

.Reading time 3 minutes.

When I woke up his morning, I thought today was going to be a total non-starter. I had an intangible list of things I wanted to do but the harder I thought about doing them, the more I focused on the details, the further away they seemed to retreat.

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