It’s been a really long time since I sat down, keyboard in front of me and feeling like I can let my fingers flow. I’m not sure why I haven’t been writing how I’ve been feeling, because the last six months have been some of the most turbulent, transformative and life-changing that I’ve ever experienced.
As some of you may be aware, I lost my best friend in November and my great uncle (who was more like a grandad) in January, and losing two people so close to one another has been hard to come to terms with. Even more, that it has been at a time so centred around being jovial and celebrating new beginnings.
However, in the intervening months, I’ve also had some tremendously fun, new, wonderful adventures. From attending mental health events, book signings, starting a new relationship, organising and taking part in an international mental health conference, helping to develop an app, making new friends and going on my first ever city break holiday; it’s been a rollercoaster, and that’s a bit of an understatement!
Throughout all of this, my mental health has been topsy-turvy and as unpredictable as ever. I’ve started taking happy pills, signed up to two half-marathons (you can donate to one of them here, all proceeds go towards CALM, the suicide prevention charity) and found that writing really is my ‘thing’ that I need to focus on in life as a career.
I’ve properly knuckled down and started writing a book. Now, at the tender young age of twenty-five, the last thing I want to be doing is writing a memoir or an autobiography. But, I do want to write about the lived experience I’ve had with mental illness from a young age, even if I didn’t realise some of the things I was going through in my childhood would have had a knock-on effect in later life. I just feel that there’s a massive part of my life that I’ve never really discussed openly in media interviews or written pieces so far, and I feel it would benefit both myself and people who live in silence or shame to hear that they’re not alone, that these things happen and are more common than you think and that life can and does get easier.
Not a ‘life update’ as such, just a little diary entry for me to check in with myself and note down what I need to prioritise and keep on top of really. As ever, I hope you’re all well, or if it’s difficult, that you’ve got someone you can talk to. Failing that, call Samaritans, they’re always there to listen to you, even if you’re not feeling suicidal.