“I’m so OCD because…”

  1. My hands are almost always cracked, raw and bleeding
  2. I sometimes have to leave restaurants and social situations for unexplained reasons
  3. I’m terrified of the summer because that means the emergence of flies and insects
  4. Sometimes I might have to shower 4 times a day, other times I might not have to shower at all
  5. Sometimes I have to change the bed every day or a few times a week, other times I can leave it for months
  6. Sometimes I need to wash my toothbrush before I use it
  7. I am constantly on high alert at all times
  8. Pretty much everything I buy is online so I don’t have to touch objects in stores
  9. I have paralysing thoughts about my loved ones coming to harm
  10. I tremble with recurring thoughts about hurting people, even though I know I’m not an aggressive or violent person
  11. I can’t walk anywhere without worrying about where I am placing my feet
  12. I constantly falsely believe that I’ve trodden in something
  13. I can’t wear nice shoes/trainers because I throw them away too often
  14. I struggle to eat food because I’m petrified it has hairs or any other ‘contaminants’ in it
  15. Public toilets are my worst nightmare

  1. My feet, elbows and other body parts are great at opening doors because my hands sometimes can’t
  2. I always stretch my sleeves because I’m constantly using them to open doors too
  3. I always think feathers will fall from birds and touch me when I’m outside
  4. Public transport gives me the willies
  5. Going to the toilet is never as simple as it sounds
  6. I go through soap/shower gel/shampoo like nobody’s business
  7. I can’t wear a retainer/brace to improve the straightness of my teeth
  8. If I drop something on the floor inside, I have to wipe it down immediately
  9. If I drop something on the floor when I’m outside, it normally gets thrown away
  10. If I lend someone my phone charger, I can’t use it myself until it’s wiped down again
  11. My behaviours/beliefs are forced on others which makes me feel ashamed and guilty
  12. Sex can rarely be spontaneous and I have to work hard (pun intended) to stop my mind from worrying
  13. I have sexually intrusive thoughts every single day, nearly all the time
  14. I sometimes shake and have a bodily tremor when my thoughts become really intense
  15. I couldn’t go to uni due to sharing bathrooms/living environments
  16. I’ve made myself sick countless times because I’ve eaten something that’s set off my OCD alarm
  17. I sometimes think about crashing my car into people, other cars and inanimate objects
  18. The number of times I’ve made excuses about not being able to go to things due to OCD would stretch to the moon and back
  19. I rely on my dad to help me do things I should be able to do alone
  20. I’ve never had a paid job because I’ve been too mentally ill
  21. Relationships (both romantic and platonic) are far more complicated than you ever thought possible
  22. I fear the future constantly and am always worried about what’s around the next corner
  23. I want children but would be devastated if they grew up like me
  24. The idea of caring for a child makes me feel nautious knowing everything it entails
  25. Sleep is hard to come by because my thoughts are endless, invasive, perverse and torrential
  26. I struggle to go to the doctors, hospital or any medical environment
  27. Whenever I come back into the house from pretty much anywhere, I wash the clothes I was wearing and shower
  28. I wipe down anything I’ve taken with me before I can touch it in the house when I’m showered (ie my phone, cards, keys etc)
  29. I guiltily ask other people to do the same if I’ll be interacting with them (I’m sorry Dad and Sophie)
  30. Sometimes my friends have to use the cash machine for me on a night out
  31. I try to the best of my ability not to come into physical contact with cash
  32. When it’s boiling hot I refuse to open windows at home or in my car due to flies and ‘things’ (being a catch-all term for absolutely anything) get inside
  33. I’ve lost friendships and fallen out with family members because they either refuse to listen to my pain or just don’t understand it
  34. I’ll seek reassurance wherever I can if I’m worried about something
  35. I feel incredibly depressed when I think about all the things I can’t (yet) do

Basically, my life is really, really hard!
OCD isn’t just about hand washing, being a ‘neat freak’ and counting all the time. It’s a destructive, thought distorting mental illness that can tear lives and families apart. It’s nearly taken my life on more than one occasion and I’ll never stop banging on about it until people realise how much of a soul-destroying impact it can have on your life.

If you need help or if you think you have OCD, please make sure you go to your GP for a diagnosis or reach out to OCD Action, Mind or Samaritans.

R.

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6 thoughts on ““I’m so OCD because…”

  1. Brilliant post, Rich. Thank you for your honesty, and vulnerability. ❤ I know I don't share a lot of the same contamination symptoms, but this post made me feel really feel like I'm not alone. I share a lot of your fears about the future (or things you feel guilty about in your present, I worry about for my future). You're doing so many awesome things now, and I'm sorry you still struggle, but you're a great example for us other OCD sufferers.

    1. Thanks so much for this! I’m glad it made you feel less alone, that’s the main reason why I continue to fight and be so open about everything. If you ever need a listening ear you know where to find me ☺️💜

  2. Thanks for sharing. I struggle with many of the things you do. As hard as these things are it’s nice to know that I am not alone.

    1. I’m glad you were able to relate to the post. Like you said, it’s nice (even though that’s not the right word) to know that someone else is going through the same thing.

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