In sickness and in health

Til death do us part.

I sometimes feel like I’m in a twisted marriage with my OCD.

It can be my friend at times, my comfort blanket when I’m unsure of the world and I can fall back into the cleansing water, often quite literally.

But at other times (and I MUST remind myself that these times are when OCD shows it’s true face) it breaks me down and destroys any hope I have for a future, not only for myself but for my family and loved ones.

If there were to be some magical cure for OCD invented in the near future, would I even take it?

I found myself pondering this question today. Now, if you know anything about my story at all, you would assume that I would be stark raving mad to say no. However, when really thinking about it, I’d be so scared to live without OCD. Maybe because it’s become such a normality that I’m frightened of change, maybe because I’m dependant (or I think I am) on it or maybe I’m addicted to the compulsions I carry out.

This last point really got me stumped though. Addicted. Like an alcoholic or drug addict, could it be that I’m actually addicted to carrying out my compulsions?

Madness I hear you cry! But some researchers and scientists are starting to think that OCD can and is closely related to addiction and addictive behavioural illnesses.

I’m certainly no authority on the subject when it comes to the nitty gritty science aspect but it’s certainly something to think about.

All I know is that I’m done with this intrusive, time consuming, restrictive, frustrating and life-sapping illness.

I want a divorce OCD. And I want it now.

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