Baby steps are changing into toddler steps

So I haven’t blogged in over a week. It feels like so much longer but even this amount of time is too long! It’s been quite a 7 days. Let me fill you in…

E3 happened since I last blogged! For anyone that doesn’t play video games, E3 is arguably the biggest event in the gaming calendar. It’s where the gaming companies reveal what’s going to be on offer for the coming year and show off new tech and hardware and reveal trailers and gameplay clips to entice and excite us fans! 🙂 I LOVE IT especially since I’m really getting back into my gaming 😀

However I had a major OCD event/attack/panic since I last blogged (I never know what to call it). I was eating dominos and after a bite of chicken I thought I had felt a hair in my mouth. I tried so hard to fight the paranoia and voices in my head telling me to go make myself sick and I didn’t listen to them and convinced myself I was being silly and carried on. However, after taking a bite of my pizza I again thought I had eaten a hair or had one in my mouth. This time, there was no fight left in me. I went to the bathroom and threw up in the sink. In hindsight, I should have used the toilet to throw up in but I didn’t want to kneel on the floor and have to shower but this would have saved a lot of trouble as you’re about to find out.

So I was sick into the sink. And it’s one of those new ones that has a push down handle for a plug at the side of the tap. Well as you can imagine, there was a hell of a lot of sick that followed after I tried for what seemed like hours to make myself throw up. And it clogged the sink and to cut a long story short I broke the plug. So there I was on the verge of tears unscrewing the cermic guard to the inner workings of the sink to try and fix it. And I couldn’t. And it made everything worse because I of course assumed that the worst would happen and the sink would never be fixed and spiders were going to invade the flat (they haven’t incase you were wondering).

Almost a week later, here I am at 5 in the morning lying in bed after going to the bathroom (and sitting on the seat naturally) and I DIDN’T have to completely shower. I only showered the parts I thought were dirty. I DIDN’T assume and associate that the dirty parts of my body were contaminating the clean parts. For me, as a sufferer of mainly contamination OCD, THIS IS HUGE. I’m so proud of myself because to think around 2 years ago I couldn’t do anything for myself (and I mean anything) and now I’m living in my own flat and going to the toilet by myself and showering myself and all the ‘normal’ things most people take for granted is a FUCKING AMAZING FEELING 😀

I’m so happy right now. And I really wanted to tell you guys and get this down because I want to see it written. My counsellor always said that I shouldn’t be afraid to take baby steps.

Well now I think I’ve become a toddler.

P.S. If any of you want to get in touch to talk, comment or whatever, you can find me on Twitter @richtaylormusic and on Facebook 🙂

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4 thoughts on “Baby steps are changing into toddler steps

  1. Found your blog from your twitter rt (thanks), baby steps become those bigger, stronger steps. Keep fighting the fight.

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