I wanted popcorn…

If you’ve read my previous posts, you’ll know what I’m referring to with the title of this one. I went to the cinema to see 22 Jump Street and I wanted popcorn. I wanted it because I bloodie love it and going to the cinema isn’t the same without overpriced popcorn and a coke. I didn’t want to let my OCD stop me enjoying something I’ve done all my life.

And, I would have had some popcorn had it not been for the pizza hut I stuffed my face with beforehand. So although I didn’t get popcorn, I would have. In my mind, I beat the OCD and won that round so I’m happy and proud of myself! 🙂

However, all this triumph and enjoyment has been torn to pieces by something that happened afterwards.

I can’t remember feeling this sad and defeated. I’m not feeling hopeless about my mental health but I just feel that when I’m not fighting with my OCD or Depression I’m fighting with the people I love the most. I just don’t know what to do with myself.

I don’t know whether it’s my Depression or lack of sleep or something else but I have zero motivation for pretty much anything. Even the things I love to do, I find it really hard to get myself motivated to enjoy whatever it is 😦

I’m pretty fucking sick of it now and I’m so scared that tablets will be the only answer but I really don’t want it to come to that. I just don’t know what else to do 😦


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