Cake, Pizza & Fighting OCD

When I woke up his morning, I thought today was going to be a total non-starter. I had an intangible list of things I wanted to do but the harder I thought about doing them, the more I focused on the details, the further away they seemed to retreat. 

You know that feeling when replying to a message wipes the floor with you? It sounds so pathetic but it really can knock me for six sometimes and today was one of those. Emails, direct messages on Twitter and texts have swamped my fingers and given me a searing headache on and off as the hours have dripped on by. Yet, as people have advised me today, I’ve taken it slowly and done one little thing which has spurred me on to do one more little thing. 

I’m also very proud of myself for conquering two big OCD challenges relating to food. I managed to eat a slice of cake that had a cat hair on the plate which I noticed after the first mouthful but carried on regardless. Ok, admittedly the fact that the cake was utterly divine helped, but still, my mind was racing and my eyes kept darting to the hair as I lifted each morsel of chocolately goodness into the cavern that is my gob. But I finished it and didn’t go and make myself sick or even think about making myself sick!

Secondly, Sophie’s dad offered me a pizza to take home for my dad and I. You know the ones, wrapped in cellophane with a thin cardboard bottom to keep it straight? Well it had teeny tiny holes in the top that I only spotted right before I took the wrapping off BUT AGAIN I carried on and used years of practice to think against my OCD and convince myself that it would be okay to eat. The result? Slice after slice of glorious, cheesy, pepperoni topped goodness. And as before with the cake, I didn’t make myself sick (even though on this occasion I thought about it, but I didn’t do it!) so I’m over the moon.

OCD will try as hard as it can to make you believe, falsely, that you are incapable, that you have to give in, that your only hope is to listen to it intently. Well I have one thing to say to OCD. It can fuck right off! I’m in control (most of the time), there really isn’t anything to fear and it is possible to work around your OCD so that it doesn’t dominate your life. There is hope, help, love and support, and I’m very fortunate to have all of the above in spades. 


Thank you for being patient with me…

I hate myself at times, when my OCD pulls me to my lowest ebb. In those moments when I snap and spit frustration and anger at the people who love me most. Like a tiger backed into a corner by its tormentors, OCD sets me on edge. The slightest ripple in the air sparks an instant flow of venom to my tongue and I lash out. 

To all those that are kind, to the people who sit next to me after I’ve reacted poorly, to the people who love me;

Thank you for being patient with me. I love you ❤


LUSH Exposed Over and Over


Unless you live like a Neanderthal, you’ll all be familiar with LUSH and the heavenly scented goodness that they bestow upon us, not to mention all of their work for animal welfare and charity. However, I never thought that purchasing from the cosmetics company would gift me with an opportunity to challenge my OCD.

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Book Review: The Goldfish Boy

It would be a great disservice to dismiss The Goldfish Boy as merely a detective-come-mystery adventure with a ‘touch of OCD’ thrown it for good measure, for it is so much more than that. Not only does it engage you with a captivating storyline, it gives you a literal and metaphorical window to peer through in which you bear witness to the deepest, darkest moments of despair in Matthew Corbin’s life at the hands (ironically) of OCD.

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Time To Talk – Feb 2nd, 2017 – Another Conversation

A year has passed in what feels like the flap of a hummingbird’s wing since the last Time To Talk day and, just like last year (and I’m sure for many years to come) Time To Change are galvanising not just the nation but the world to get people talking about mental health. Whether you think the focus should shift to acquiring resources to better help those in need or if (like me) you think there are grounds to fight to provide a safe society for people to express their fears, talking about mental health can only be of benefit to everyone concerned.

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“I’m so OCD because…”

  1. My hands are almost always cracked, raw and bleeding
  2. I sometimes have to leave restaurants and social situations for unexplained reasons
  3. I’m terrified of the summer because that means the emergence of flies and insects
  4. Sometimes I might have to shower 4 times a day, other times I might not have to shower at all
  5. Sometimes I have to change the bed every day or a few times a week, other times I can leave it for months
  6. Sometimes I need to wash my toothbrush before I use it
  7. I am constantly on high alert at all times
  8. Pretty much everything I buy is online so I don’t have to touch objects in stores
  9. I have paralysing thoughts about my loved ones coming to harm
  10. I tremble with recurring thoughts about hurting people, even though I know I’m not an aggressive or violent person
  11. I can’t walk anywhere without worrying about where I am placing my feet
  12. I constantly falsely believe that I’ve trodden in something
  13. I can’t wear nice shoes/trainers because I throw them away too often
  14. I struggle to eat food because I’m petrified it has hairs or any other ‘contaminants’ in it
  15. Public toilets are my worst nightmare

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Giveaway – When Breath Becomes Air

Hey, everyone!

So I found this book whilst exploring in Waterstones and remembered I’d heard about it a while back. It’s such an inspiring story about a man’s journey from the peak of his profession to his tragic death at the hands of cancer. The book was published posthumously in January 2016 but Paul Kalanithi’s words will stay with me for a very long time. His musings on life and what we do with the time that we have will no doubt bring tears to your eyes whilst lifting your spirits at the same time.



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